i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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