How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You made out with two different species that night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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