So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If that was your dad, he is hot
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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