This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
