My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
