I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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