We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
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In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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