I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
