Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid

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(614): View more from Ohio

Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out

(574): View more from Indiana

You never cease to amaze me.

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(530): View more from California

I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

(1-530): View more from California

fuck. you.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.

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(315): View more from New York

My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

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(989): View more from Michigan

dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw

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(812): View more from Indiana

I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night

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