So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
