I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
