just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize