I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
