as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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