doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i out mim tonsoeep
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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