Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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