so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
