i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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