I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
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We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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