I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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