Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
