i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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