I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
