True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
