i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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