Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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