You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
