pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
