you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
