Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
