I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
