I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
