Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
