i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
