She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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