I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
All I want is dick and wine.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
