I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
