The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
