So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
