Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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