I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish my penis had a tongue
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
