he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
