You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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