I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
