I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
