she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
