Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
