There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
