I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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