I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my being single is dangerous.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
