So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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