So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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