I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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