end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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