sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
