So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
