So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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