I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize