First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize