So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
