I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
These tits shall not be calmed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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