So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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