Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
