so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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