my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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