A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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