It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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